Wow. I must admit, you really have sent me down a deep, spinning dark hole. Oof. Thanks for that, dear.
Sometimes I think about you in all your glory, shinning and sparkling with joy like the summer days that we romanticize about. You make me excited, drive me to work, and cause enough daydreaming that I’m certain half of my professors think I have a short attention span. I don’t, I would just rather dream of you.
And yet, now that I have unpacked you so much, I wonder what of my dreams of you will really be true? Are you going to catfish me and turn into someone I would have never chosen or expected, once all the glamour has passed? Or will you be something steady, maybe not exactly like I image, but something close.
I know I will be happy with you, as I try to make it my mission to stay upbeat, but you really are just a ball of anxiety. A huge one.
And it’s not just me who’s stressed out, it’s all of us… every person at every age wonders about you. But I would argue that more than ever, our thoughts of you and where we are going pesters the innocent minds of young folk like me. Almost college graduates. Seniors in high school as they wait for acceptance letters to arrive in the mail. Real adults feel it too, though, waiting to see if they got that new job in a new city as a start fresh. We all sit anxiously waiting for you.
And yet, I guess I am writing to tell you that I know we will never know what you hold. Tough, I know. But it’s not in our control, no matter how many people attempt to claim they know exactly what they are going to do in the future. Spoiler alert: They don’t!
Anything and everything can happen, it’s just part of the anxiety that makes me worry… We could go down such a long and decaying path. What if this is the best it’s ever going to get? I mean, right now is pretty solid, though I would hope that there’s more in store for me. I have to have faith that there is.
And yet, you can also fall apart so quickly. It’s just such a roller-coaster. A scramble of possibilities, some could say.
The reality is that we live in a world that is constantly changing, and with a future that is just as mysterious. We all have images of what we think it will look like. What do we do with our anxieties, our fears, and our dreams about what life will be like?
Amidst the random times when I become so overwhelmed by you (so nice of you to make me feel that way), there are options. We can try to micromanage you. We can ignore you. Or we can just flow with what we are given and cross our fingers- maybe some parts will work out alright.
Because everything I do, I do it all for you, you know. Always you.
For now all I can do is hope you find ways to surprise me, in the best kind of ways.
Always thinking of you,
Your worrying past